Mr Beautiful Truth’s guide to planning a wedding

Surprise Motherfucker!

So you’ve saved up a lot of money for a ring, you’ve discretely asked people’s advice and you’ve finally taken a deep breath, gotten down on one knee and popped the question. The pressure is finally off… right? Wrong! After weeks, months and possibly years of grannys, aunts or newly married smugs nudging you in the side with their elbow and asking, “When are you going to pop the question?” you may think the pressure is finally off. Think again. It’s about to get a whole lot worse.

Pick The 5 Best Things

Your lovely bride to be has been planning this wedding since she was about five. While you on the other hand have only just realised that after an engagement must come a wedding.Seriously, how is there more?? Over the coming months you will be inundated with colour schemes, flower arrangements and wedding invitation designs. After a while, they all look the same and in your head you’re probably thinking does it even matter. WARNING!!!! Under no circumstances are you to ever say this to your financé as chances are there will be no wedding. Instead say to your future wife, “All the <insert item> are so lovely and beautiful, it’s so hard decide. Why don’t you pick your top 5 <insert item> and we’ll chose from there.” If you are going to use the Eeny, meeny, miny, moe method to choose, it’s best to do this in your head as to avoid confrontation. I speak from experience on this one!

Book your band now!

I don’t care if you’re 19, single and you’re just thinking of asking out the girl you see in the college cafeteria every Tuesday and Thursday, for a drink in the SU bar,  book your wedding band now! A band can make or break a wedding so it’s important that you get a good one. Over the coming months, you will be trawling through every bands website and YouTube channel listening to what they have to offer and trust me some of them would make your ears bleed. The only problem with finding a band that you like, is when you find the band you want, they will more than likely not be available for your wedding. It may seem a bit drastic but get in there early, or even as soon as you propose and book your band. Otherwise you’ll end up on the floor with sweaty relatives trying to do Rock the Boat! And it’s no laughing matter trying not to get sick while the band are roaring out instructions on the moves to the Siege of Ennis. If this is your perfect idea of wedding music, stop reading now!

Stress? What Stress?

Unless your bride to be is a bridezilla (to be fair, there are very few of these and of course Sinéad was never one of them) she will not be your main source of stress when it comes to planning your wedding.  The stress in wedding planning comes from unexpected quarters. Ask peoples advice about suppliers such as florists, cake makers, photographers etc and enquire as to how reliable they are. The last thing you want to be worrying about is whether a service you have paid for will be delivered or done on time.

Another source of stress can be giving jobs or tasks to be friends or family. Choose who you give tasks to wisely. Right from the get go, you should ban the phrase, “Ah sure, it’ll grand!” No! It won’t be grand, I asked you to get it done two weeks and you just haven’t bothered.

Stag Party

This could take up an entire blog post in itself so the less said about it the better! But I was on a stag once when… eh… actually no. Better leave it at that!

Your Wedding Suit

You can’t see her dress but she picks your suit!!!! You probably have a better chance of finding out what the next iPhone is going to be like, rather than seeing your fiancé’s dress such is the secrecy that surrounds it. However, she will have a very heavy input into what type of suit you wear for your wedding. Remember when you were seven and your mother dragged you around the shops for weeks on end looking for the perfect outfit for your Holy Communion? Well it’s going be exactly like that except this time you’re an adult and you have a smart phone to look at for when you get bored!

Honeymoon!

Planning and organising a wedding can be extremely tiring and tough work but the good news is you get to go on honeymoon at the end of it all! You should pick a place that is relaxing, warm and luxurious. In the days after the wedding, yourself and your new bride should put your feet up and be pampered.

Under no circumstances should you suggest Santa Ponza or Torremolinos for a honeymoon because yourself and the lads went there after the Leaving Cert in ’99 and it was “great craic”.

Pressure is finally off…

Now that you’ve popped the question and you’ve finally married the love of your life, will people stop asking you intrusive questions about the course of your life? Absolutely not! Be prepared for the barrage of inquires of “When’s the baby due?” to which you should reply, “None of your business.”

You’ll never know what’s going on in people’s lives. Some couples can’t have babies due to medical reasons or perhaps some couples don’t want to have children. It says a lot more about the person asking that intrusive question that it does about how you respond to it. If someone wants to tell you their intentions, let them. I have been cornered many a time on a night out by someone telling me every intimate detail of their family planning aspirations. Other than that, respect people’s privacy and don’t tolerate people who don’t respect yours.

Comments

  1. ELLIE says

    Usually love this blog but respectfully have to say I cringed reading this, every stereotype scenario and caricature has been used. …bride planning wedding since she was 5? And the groom so stupid that he would consider santa ponsa. ..I know it’s light hearted but as someone who usually really enjoys this blog, this post was very strange!

  2. Claire says

    I really enjoyed this, I thought it was very cute and well done Mr Beautiful Truth on writing it, you wouldn’t get many men doing it!

    Whole heartedly agree with the end comments about asking obtrusive questions – you really never do know a couple’s personal situation and I hate when people start quizzing new couples about when they’re going to have children etc etc – I think people need to be far more sensitive around topics such as this!

    Well done Mr Beautiful Truth! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *